That moment when you’re breastfeeding your newborn and she suddenly unlatches herself and starts coughing because she swallowed wrong.

I seriously just panicked.

Child, don’t scare me like that! :(

Riley’s officially six days old. She’s been fussing the last several nights/mornings to the point where I’ve been so overwhelmed a couple of times, it’s put me into an emotional breakdown. She would be upset for hours at a time - it was impossible to deal with.

Today, she had her moments, but we spent most of our day curled up in bed together, sleeping and cuddling. She was so good. I’m hoping to have a little more cuddle time here pretty soon; she should be waking up anytime now for another meal.

It was such a good day, despite being woken up every one to two hours to nurse.

I love being her mom. I can’t believe I ever considered not being her mom.

Do these things tomorrow:

- dishes.
- clean the living room and hallway.
- go to the store for guinea pig bedding, food, etc.
- do more laundry, especially socks and your pajama pants.
- have Mike empty the car.
- mentally prepare yourself for this induction.

By the weekend, she’ll be here. I go in tomorrow night. I’ve been an emotional mess all day and I can’t sleep. Fuck.

I could probably leave the apartment right now and you wouldn’t even fucking notice. I’ve spent the last two days in tears because of you and when you finally ask what the problem is and I try to tell you, I get it shoved back down my throat. Fine. Whatever. Do what you want. I don’t give a fuck anymore.

I do love bawling my eyes out to the point where it makes me sick.

I’m done with everyone and everything. Completely. Done.

I’m done with people who play the victim all the time and who blame everyone else for their problems, people who don’t listen, people who expect me to walk on eggshells for them, people who demand respect when they don’t show me any themselves, and people who are too sensitive. In short, I’m 1000% done with the whole pathetic human race.

It’s also not even 8a and I can’t sleep anymore. Fuck.

Someone actually just said to me that changing laws isn’t going to do anything but stir up trouble, so why bother? 

…that’s why we haven’t changed any of our laws in the last 200+ years, right?

And OMG.

Totally worth it.

jewitts said: i just want her birthday to be january 18th. ( our birthdays will be six months apart. -nods.- ) annnddd you will be an amazing mother.

Why thank you. :)

I’ve never met anyone who said they were bisexual to be “cool,” but okay. 

I also looked up the “Willow Smith bisexual” thing, and it’s never been confirmed by Willow herself; it’s just an internet rumor that seems to have been started by the fact that she was photographed holding the hand of a female friend. (Which is absolutely absurd.)

Willow has never explicitly stated her sexuality anyway. And even if she did, I just don’t think anyone should care, and if people do care, they shouldn’t automatically assume she’s doing it for attention. That in itself contributes to homophobia because if a person believes that he/she can’t be him- or herself, they’ll stay “in the closet.”

I never have time to myself anymore and I haven’t even had the baby yet.

Also, I woke up this morning with what I think may have been labor pains. So. I may be going in for that later if they get any worse, because they were bad enough that they woke me up from my sleep.

Her room is clean now, but…

My hospital bag isn’t packed.

I don’t know what she’s going to wear home.

The rest of my apartment is a disaster.

I’m not looking forward to the sleepless nights or having to worry constantly about another human being or even having to go back to work - because frankly, I don’t feel like leaving my child in the care of another human being but I’m going to have to deal with it.

I’m just not ready for any of this. Can I go back a couple of weeks? Please? Give me a little more time…

Seriously. 

The other day, I was complaining about how I was so broke, I couldn’t even go to the store for food, and one of my friends sent me $20 so I could grab something to eat.

And today, another friend tells me, “Don’t worry about tipping them, you’ll see in about twenty minutes.” Not long after, a delivery guy shows up at my door with a shit-ton of food. And it’s delicious.

I just wish I could return the favors. I owe my friends so much. :(

through-diamond-eyes said: wow, good luck! I can’t even imagine…

Thanks!

As it turns out, they don’t want me to go in just yet. So I may have a bit more time. lol

I think my water might be leaking. By this time tomorrow, I could potentially be a mom.

This is not okay, Tumblr. Not okay.